Confessions of a Trauma Therapist

Recently I’ve been putting this question out to many different groups.

A lot of good ideas have come back. Some pieces of advice stand out:

- maintain a state of calmness. Try not to react with shock or upset. The person disclosing needs to be free to attend to her own emotional response and not be distracted by yours. The person shouldn’t have to look after you and your response to her disclosure.

- A calm, accepting presence is needed here. Ideally, your attitude will show that you’re able to hear what the person has to say. Read more

These are precious words for victims of child sexual abuse.  Unfortunately, it’s still common for victims to hear “Are you sure?” uttered by incredulous friends and family. Apparently, in spite of the grim statistics, it remains difficult to believe that someone who looks fairly normal has actually been sexually abused in childhood by a trusted adult.

It’s hard enough to deal with one’s own struggle to get clear on what actually happened. For me, when my own memories first surfaced, I didn’t want to believe what I was learning. Read more

Recently I’ve become a grandmother. I spend hours just gazing in wonder at my tiny granddaughter. I am enthralled by her yawns, her tiny mouth searching for food, her eyes fastening intently on my face.

What strikes me is that she is entirely authentic. She has no thought of wanting to do the right thing or avoid offending me. It doesn’t occur to her to shape herself to fit our family. Read more