This was the headline in The New York Times on June 23, 2011 when Marsha M. Linehan, famous as the creator of a treatment used worldwide for severely suicidal people, disclosed her own history of mental illness.
Why did she tell something so personal?
Dr. Linehan explains: “So many people have begged me to come forward, and I just thought – well, I have to do this. I owe it to them. I cannot die a coward.” Read more
Recently I’ve been putting this question out to many different groups.
A lot of good ideas have come back. Some pieces of advice stand out:
- maintain a state of calmness. Try not to react with shock or upset. The person disclosing needs to be free to attend to her own emotional response and not be distracted by yours. The person shouldn’t have to look after you and your response to her disclosure.
- A calm, accepting presence is needed here. Ideally, your attitude will show that you’re able to hear what the person has to say. Read more
These are precious words for victims of child sexual abuse. Unfortunately, it’s still common for victims to hear “Are you sure?” uttered by incredulous friends and family. Apparently, in spite of the grim statistics, it remains difficult to believe that someone who looks fairly normal has actually been sexually abused in childhood by a trusted adult.
It’s hard enough to deal with one’s own struggle to get clear on what actually happened. For me, when my own memories first surfaced, I didn’t want to believe what I was learning. Read more
Question: Why don’t we remain authentic and true to ourselves the way we were as babies? It would be so beautiful to just unfold naturally into each new developmental stage as we grow older.
Answer: The Critic wants to separate us from our true nature so we’ll be socially acceptable to our adult caregivers.
Question: What is The Critic?
Answer: The Critic is that inner voice that tells us we’re not good enough the way we are. It nags at us to model ourselves on some ideal person. At heart, it wants us to be successful but it goes about it in the wrong way.
Question: Isn’t it impossible to be someone other than who we are?
Recently I’ve become a grandmother. I spend hours just gazing in wonder at my tiny granddaughter. I am enthralled by her yawns, her tiny mouth searching for food, her eyes fastening intently on my face.
What strikes me is that she is entirely authentic. She has no thought of wanting to do the right thing or avoid offending me. It doesn’t occur to her to shape herself to fit our family. Read more
